L'Esperance
by Lyra500
Summary: An AR epilogue to Something Blue. Buffy and Spike claimed each other during Willow's spell and have to come to terms with the fact that although they are no longer in love it cannot be undone.


_Author's Note: I found this is a completed short story on my hard drive written ages ago but lost when my old computer crashed. Turned out I had it saved and decided to polish it up and post it. It is inspired by the many wonderful 'Something Blue' stories out there that made me want to write my own and I think also by 'The Heart of Her' by ClawofCat (which if I recall correctly I read shortly before writing this, which made me feel confident enough to include one particular aspect of this story) and some other great shorts set in Spike's crypt too numerous to name. You will doubtless notice there are some differences with BtVS canon. I make no apology for that. This is my story and I have chosen to make it slightly AR but I hope you enjoy reading it all the same. As usual it is not betaed but I have read over it myself and any mistakes that remain are my own. _

_For anyone following my All-Human story, Chapter five is taking longer to get down on paper than I anticipated. I have it in my head, its finding the right words to reflect what I want to say that seems to be the problem. Its not coming naturally but I'm getting there and with any luck I might get an update up this weekend. Here's hoping._

_Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended._

**Slightly AR epilogue to Something Blue**

William the Bloody nearly fell off the sarcophagus he was sleeping on when his crypt door slammed open and The Slayer stormed in. He desperately pulled the thin sheet tighter around his lower half, concealing the hard on that was there every evening when he awoke.

"Slayer," Spike greeted smugly. "Back for more then?"

Buffy however didn't rise to it. "Undo it!" She demanded.

"Undo what, love?"

"You _know _what! The Claim. I don't want it. Undo it."

Spike raised a scarred eyebrow at her. "Oh, that." He sighed heavily, wilting before her eyes. "Sorry, pet. Can't be done. Now if you're not putting out I fancy a decent wank before I get up for the night."

"And that is just one of the _way _unpleasantthoughts I have been subjected to lately. Do you even _know _how often you get yourself off?"

"What's it matter? I got a healthy appetite. You do too if I remember rightly." Spike curled his tongue behind his tongue in a wanton grin. "Red's little reversal spell didn't take away my memories now, did it? Still remember being inside your hot little body; fucking you into the floor of your watcher's bathroom..."

Buffy's fist connected with his jaw, knocking the blond vampire to the floor in a single blow and making him lose his grip on the thin sheet which fluttered gracefully to the floor leaving him naked at her feet. "Never speak of it again, Spike. And get rid of this _fucking _claim! I am _so _not spending the rest of my life putting up with your mood swings and orgasms."

"And what the bleedin' hell is so wrong with my orgasms?!"

"I can _feel _them, that's what's 'wrong'."

"_Least I know how, unlike some people." _Spike muttered in a deliberate stage whisper so that Buffy would hear. "_Frigid bitch!"_

He stared at her, his jaw clenched and a hard, steely look in his eye in the face of her ire. Bloody hell, was she hot when she was angry, he thought to himself, but he wasn't going to let it show. He wouldn't give her the satisfaction.

"Unlike some people," Buffy ground out, "I actually have a certain measure of self-control."

"You were the one ripping my clothes off in your old man's bathroom, Slayer!"

"That is so completely besides the point. I was under a spell. So were you. Wigginess happened and now I want to forget all about it, only I can't. Why? Cause you won't undo your stupid claim."

Spike shrugged. "Like I said, can't be done."

In no time at all, Buffy had Spike pinned by the throat against the wall of his crypt in the shadows behind the open door, just yards from the evening light streaming in the gaping doorway. The sheet he'd used to cover himself was now lying on the crypt floor and though Buffy had to be aware of his nudity, he found himself slightly disappointed that it didn't show any sign of getting to her. Didn't seem to be having a problem getting close enough to choke him, that was for sure.

"What do you mean it can't be done!"

"Mean its permanent. Told you when we did it, didn't I? Claim's permanent, no going back and you still said yes."

"I'm a Slayer, Spike. You can't just claim me as your mate."

"You claimed me first," Spike replied very quietly.

"I can't do it, Spike." Buffy stepped back and began to pace but Spike was too aware of her volatile mood – both from seeing it and feeling it through the claim – to dare moving away from the wall where she'd pinned him just seconds before. "I can't do it," Buffy repeated. "I can't have a normal life while I'm feeling your 'happy moments' in the middle of psych class or waking up with adrenalin pumping in the middle of the night cause you got into a bar fight. Not to mention the fact that I'm the Slayer and you're a Vampire and we pretty much hate each other in a mortal enemies sort of way, which is so not of the good in any relationship. Not that we have a relationship. Cause we don't. No relationship here."

"You really get all that from me?" Spike asked with surprise.

"You _don't_?"

"Never felt you get off, that's for sure."

Buffy winced slightly as a cramp bit through her abdomen. Maybe she should have done this another time – like _after _taking painkillers. "I've not exactly been making a habit of that lately, and if you say one word about my social life I swear you won't live long enough to see the sun set tonight!"

Buffy winced again. _**So**__ should have taken those painkillers, _she thought to herself.

Noticing it for the first time Spike couldn't believe he'd missed the smell of Slayer blood tinting the air, or the wince that had just crossed her features and now that he knew it was there he could sense a dull ache tormenting her through the claim.

"You're hurting," Spike whispered.

"What?" Buffy looked up at him in a panic. _Vampire. Blood. Maybe I should have thought this through. _"I'm fine, Spike. Its nothing."

"Its not nothin' if you're hurting and don't start telling me you're not cause I can feel it through the claim!"

"Its just cramps, Spike. I'll take some painkillers when I get home."

Spike looked at her for a long time, staring deeply into the Slayer's determined, steely eyes. Eventually he sighed and gave in. "Fine...but I'll take patrol tonight."

Buffy started to protest but Spike interrupted her before she could say anything. "If you go out while you're injured you're a demon magnet. Go home and rest and you'll be all better by tomorrow instead of ending up in hospital."

"Might be a bit longer than tomorrow," Buffy let out a long-suffering sigh.

"Oh? Slayer healing not working all of a sudden?" Spike raised his scarred eyebrow expectantly waiting for The Slayer's explanation. If she was hurt so badly she wouldn't be healed by tomorrow, why was she even out tonight?

Buffy rolled her eyes. "Woman, blood, cramps...just how stupid are you Spike?"

Several long seconds of concentration passed until his eyes widened and comprehension dawned and Buffy stifled a snigger at confusion of emotions on his face. Curiosity, lust and perhaps just a hint of Victorian embarrassment. "Oh, right. Didn't think of that." Spike looked down at the floor was silent for a while. He looked up, worry etched across his face. "It really hurts like that?"

Buffy shrugged, "Sometimes, sometimes not," She replied wondering why she was even having this conversation with a vampire, never mind Spike.

"Right then. New rule. I take patrol when you're on your monthlies. Not having you running around playing demon bait when you're hurting and not at your best."

"_Demon bait?_" Buffy exploded indignantly. "I'm _The Slayer_!"

Spike made a show of sniffing the air and then smiled. "Lady things and perfumes don't hide the smell completely, love," He leered at her and curled his tongue behind his teeth obscenely. "Fancy testin' that theory 'bout this claim and feeling orgasms?"

"You know, I'm not even going to dignify that with an answer!" Buffy huffed and tried to ignore the adorable pout that briefly flashed across the Master Vampire's face. Master Vampires were not cute and they certainly didn't pout. She told herself she must be seeing things. "And what's more I don't need your help. I've coped for all these years so far, somehow I think I can cope a few more."

"Dammit, Slayer I don't want you to just _cope_. Last week I wanted you dead. Now our lifelines are joined for soddin' eternity so if you can't believe anything else I tell you, believe that when you die I die and I'm not letting that happen anytime soon which means I'm watching your back whether you like it or not. I'm takin' patrol tonight and that's an end of it! An' what's more I'm walking you home. Not patrolling on my lonesome only to have you killed or eaten behind my back."

Buffy watched in astonishment as Spike started throwing on discarded clothes. In a few moments he was dressed in black jeans and t-shirt, red button down shirt and black leather duster and they were on their way to Revello Drive.

"What are you, James Bond now? Swoop in and save the heroic woman who can almost – but not quite – do it herself and she'll give you orgasms? I'm _The Slayer, _Spike, not Pussy Galore."

"Yeah. Smaller tits."

When Buffy punched him Spike rubbed his face and chuckled. It only made Buffy angrier.

"I'm not some damsel in distress for you to save!"

"Claiming isn't like some archaic sort of marriage where the Lord of the Manor picks a virgin bride to bear his son!" Spike sniped back angrily. "Apart from the well known fact my dangly bits won't do their job properly, its age, not gender that create seniority in our species. When mating does occur – though its rare by all accounts – they look out for each other, 'cause they have to."

"Nice speech. Now tell me the real reason why you're doing this."

"I've just soddin' told you! We're mates! You die, I die!"

"And that's it? That's the only reason?"

Spike shoved hands into the pockets of his leather coat. "What do you want, Buffy? _You_ picked _me_. Don't know why cause no one's ever picked me for anything, save when Dru picked my sorry arse to be her nursemaid all those years ago, but you _did_ pick me and even if you regret claiming me now, you let me claim you back."

Buffy tried to interrupt but Spike cut her off.

"No, Buffy, you did. Don't care about the soddin' spell any more. What's done is done and I think you know me well enough to know I look after my own. Don't get me wrong, Slayer, I still hate your guts and pretty much this whole situation but there's nothing I can do about it. Never shirked my duties before and I don't intend on starting now. _Coping _is one step down from not caring and that's when Slayers get their death wish. I'm yours. I'm helping. End of."

Tentatively, Buffy poked at the bond with her mind. It was hard to explain in words, but the feeling filling her mind when she did this told her that he was telling the truth.

"It really can't be undone?" Buffy asked in quiet horror.

Spike shook his head. "Oldest magic there is. Before spells and human and words and language. Claims are primal. Ancient. Old as rock." He paused. To his surprise, Buffy didn't reply with some snarky remark and so after a long moment he hesitantly continued. "Never was married you know, before I got turned I mean; and Dru spent most of our time together waiting for her precious Daddy to come back. Didn't want a whole lot else so long as she had her dolls and her food. All in all, I don't suppose I'll be very good at the whole Mate thing, but it is what it is and we have to make the best of it and I'll do what I can to try and do right by you. If you need backup or someone to watch the Bit or some extra cash now and then..." He tailed off, unsure of himself when he felt the hostility coming through the claim at his offers. "Know you won't want the stolen stuff, love, but I've still got some family silver from when I was human. Could even set you up with an allowance or something, if you want."

"I don't want your money, Spike."

Spike nodded dejectedly. It was no more than he'd expected but it still cut him that she wouldn't even let him help with finances while she was both Slaying and studying full time. It wasn't because he cared, he told himself. They were mates. He had a duty. That was all.

By now they were just turning onto Revello Drive and Spike stopped Buffy before they got as far as her house. It was the weekend. He guessed she must be visiting home. Would she tell Joyce what had happened? Was he supposed to keep it a secret from her? Buffy was alright really. Insatiable between the sheets. Cute. Funny. Ballsy. Hot – and it had sort of been nice, being intimate and in love like that. Feelings that intense didn't just fade away. Not for him. For Buffy? He looked at her. He wasn't sure.

Buffy sighed and turned to Spike. "What?"

"I know you think I'm being funny but in my day – William's day, that is – when a gentleman was courting a lady he'd ask her for a favour of her affection and she'd give him a bit o' ribbon or a scarf – something small that no one would notice was gone." Buffy looked at Spike curiously. He seemed nervous and his accent had changed, his pronunciation seemed sharper and more refined. "I know you're not wanting any sort of relationship save for the beating me up kind, but I wanted to ask you anyway...wanted to ask if you'd grant me a favour. Just to have, sort of as a memento is all. No one needs to know."

"No, Spike."

Spike drew in a deep breath and ground his teeth together. Sodding hell! _She _had picked _him _as her mate which considering she didn't want him made him more or less a monk from here on out, no matter how much he tried to deny his own morals. Fidelity wasn't usually a big thing amongst vampires, but enough of William's heart and the hurt of Dru sleeping around to give him a sense of obligation to his mate. She could give him one little titbit of cloth for God's sake! Resolve fell over his features and his piercing eyes looked right through her. "I won't tell anyone what happened during the spell if you give me that bit of cloth around your neck."

Buffy put her hand up to the handkerchief tied in a knot to one side of her neck, covering up the various vampire bite scars that now graced her once perfect neck line.

"And if I don't?" Buffy asked carefully.

Spike shrugged. "Can't be held accountable if I accidentally let it slip now, can I?"

Buffy stamped her foot in fury. "You are so _incredibly_ annoying, you know that? I can't believe you're blackmailing me for a handkerchief."

Spike shrugged. "Needs must, love."

"Right. Whatever." Buffy's hand went to her neck and she began to untie the cloth around her neck. Buffy grumbled quietly as she handed over the scrap of vanilla-scented coloured cloth.

Spike grinned boyishly and quickly stuffed the bit of cloth in his pocket before she could take it back.

"If anyone asks you stole it," Buffy groused.

"Is that permission, love?" He grinned lasciviously. "I recall you seem to owe me a certain small scrap of lace. Be right interesting going through your panty drawer."

"Don't even think about it!" Buffy hissed and then without so much as a glance at Spike she started storming off towards her front door down the street, but Spike as always was right there beside her, eating up the ground with long easy strides as she tried to get away from him.

Spike smirked happily. It was quite clear to him that Buffy felt nothing, but if all he got was jerking off to the memory of her perky tits and the way she looked when she came he wasn't going to hold back about it, and Buffy – whether she knew it or not – had just given him something to ensure Buffy was going to be feeling very sleepless by morning. Oh, he wasn't in love with her, but she was a damned foxy lady and even if she hadn't mated him, which she had, he knew nothing else would ever quite match up to getting laid by a Slayer. So, seeing as they were Mated and seeing as they still hated each others guts, if the only way he could get her attention was by pissing her off then so be it. Didn't mean he didn't want more though. If she came knocking in the middle of the night with an itch to scratch he knew he wouldn't exactly be turning her down. Might even lead to more. There were remnants of warmth, feeling, from their time as passionate young lovers. Could he get back to that place? Could he let himself fall in love.

_'Wouldn't be difficult,' _A voice whispered deep inside him. _'All you've ever wanted all you life is to be wanted and she did want you. She had to, or she wouldn't have picked you. Wouldn't be so bad if you did fall back in love, would it?'_

Softer, emotive thoughts swirled inside him, warring with the primal anger that after a hundred and twenty years of independence, protested at the imprisoning ties to a mere mortal, even a supernaturally gifted one. Even so, he couldn't deny the bit of him that dared to hope that one day this might be something. They were amazing together. He had the memories to prove it and so what if they weren't in love. Love could come with time. Snarking, fighting, sex, feeding, cuddling. These were things he lived for and all of them he had enjoyed in abundance in one tryst in Buffy's arms. How could he not want and crave it now it was gone?

Too soon for his liking they were at her front porch Spike tried not to show his disappointment at her eagerness to get inside away from him. "Buffy," Spike stopped her with a hand on her arm. He didn't know what he was going to say, he just wanted to stall her, keep her out here a few moments longer.

Buffy paused, half inside the door, but refused to look at him. She had no intention of letting anything happen between them. The spark of hope in his voice that was there in spite of his efforts to cover it up could not be denied and it frightened her. He felt what she felt, Buffy knew. A feeling of rightness and warmth that lingered with the memory of their short time together. What they had now was not romantic. It wasn't love, but it was stillamazing in a way to be linked so intimately with the mind of another being. Their night together had been amazing. It would stay with her forever. They had made each other's bodies sing. More than that, there was passion and fire in everything that they did. Could they have that again?

What was she thinking? He was a vampire. Of course they couldn't. _'Could they?' _

Passion. Heat. Sex. It had all been too intense. Even without the fuzzy feelings, it would be too intense, it couldn't possibly last. Except the cuddling. The cuddling was hardly intense it was, well, nice. She smiled inwardly at the memory. Spike, it turned out, was like a toasted marshmallow. Hot, crispy and burny on the outside; sweet and gooey on the inside. A sucker for a good hug.

_Lots of snuggling. Amazing sex. Would it really so bad?_

"Will you come with me tomorrow to talk to Giles?"

"Of course. Whatever you need."

"Time. I think mostly I just need some time. I don't know how to feel about this. Its a lot to take in."

"I understand."

"And maybe you could try and be just a little less annoying?"

"I'll see what I can do."

"Goodnight, Spike."

"Goodnight, Slayer."

Then she was gone and Spike was left alone outside facing her wooden front door. Inside he could hear Joyce moving around in the kitchen. He respected the older Summers woman too much to think about disturbing her evening, and so instead of following and forcing his way inside Spike turned around and disappeared into the night, still clutching the scrap of cloth inside his pocket.

_Author's Note: Happy Christmas/Hannukah/Seasons Greetings. Hope you all have good holidays. Any reviews you feel like sending my way would be much appreciated. (If you have criticism lets keep it constructive folks.) _


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